Does anybody know the Hawaiian for 'Hello'?

Apparently the percentage of native Hawaiians on Ohau is 8%. The majority of the remainder of the population is made up of oriental types. Of that, about half are of the female variety. Many of these females are of an extremely attractive nature. A large chunk of these choose to wear skimpy swimsuits whilst navigating the island. Unlike Chris Gurney, I'm no wannabe mathematic genius, and therefore I have not been able to produce an exact proportion, but to put it in simple terms, there are a whole bunch of tasty oriental ladies knocking about Hawaii whilst wearing next to nothing. It's a dream. In fact it's AlexForce's dream. Except, because none of them speak English, he doesn't have the chance to mess things up by saying stuff like, "Hi, my D.J. name is Awesome Wells", or, "Did I mention I play the harmonica?".

I, on the other hand, still have ample opportunity to mess things up. My beach look for example, is enough to send any lady scarpering for safety. It can be seen hither...


Despite the look however, it still seems that I am still something of a heartbreaker. I got chatting to a couple of birds yesterday and said that I'll probably see them around in the evening. Later I fell asleep in my bedroom. The next thing I knew, this random fella bursts in, poking me in the leg, asking, "Are you Adam?". "Yes", I replied predictably. "There are two girls asking after you outside", he responded. I thought about what he had said, and concluded that what he was saying didn't seem like the kind of thing that would apply to me. I thusly rolled over and went back to sleep. To cut a long story a little shorter, I saw them the next day and were annoyed that I didn't come out to see them. The end.

Also, for the more observant of those amongst you, one may observe from the photo above my new hat. This purchase was the direct consequence of the losing of my previous hat. Finally, for the most observant of those amongst you, one may observe my only sunburned area as being my eyes. It's great. I look like Jonathan Woodgate, but without the drugs, and the broken leg, and the own goal and red card on Real Madrid debut, and the awful and irritating Kate Lawler hanging around like a bad smell.

Kind regards.

Hlalum Marshall